Archive for November, 2013

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

 

11/26/2013

So our journey of adding to our family has reached another milestone moment. Our home study is done and we are now into the matching phase.

During this phase we review short bio profiles of children available for adoption. Our clinician then submits our home study to the caseworker of each child we think would be a good match for our family and who our family would be a good match for.

In the past we have called this phase “The Black hole phase”. Because you send your home study into the hole, but nothing ever comes back, not even light.  No “Thank you’s” and no “No thank you’s”. Just the reassuring E-Mails from our adoption clinician telling us not to panic. Last time around we submitted on over 48 different profiles and we submitted on Jayme twice on two different profiles.

But, this time we know that we will send out dozens of home studies and never heard anything back.  We are even ready for the heartache that comes when you do hear back and the information you get scares you away.

This time around there also seems to be a lot less profiles to review. The first time around, on day one, we submitted on 12 kidos. This time around we only found 4 that seemed to be a good match. Perhaps we are just more picky now, but we remember there was 2 binders full of kidos last time….

 

 

 

 

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Halloween 2013

Monday, November 4th, 2013

pirate 3

Halloween time, our third Halloween together as a family. All the photo’s are up on our ShutterFly account. If you need an invite let us know!

Finding the outfit

First year was Darth Vader, then last year was Harry Potter. This year was a tough one to figure out.  For over a month we kept asking Jayme what he would like to be and he just didn’t know or the ideas he came up with were a bit out of reach.

First he wanted to be Sonic the Hedgehog. But he didn’t like the costume we found online. Then a Dark Sith Lord from Star Wars, but as soon as he learned he would not get a new light saber he fell out of love with the idea.

So with a little over 2 weeks to H-Day we stopped by the Halloween costume store. Last year we picked up Jayme’s Harry Potter outfit there and he loved it, so with figures crossed we started shopping.

This year the costumes seem to all be zombie related. Zombie Storm troopers, Zombie soldiers, ect…  Both the dad’s said no to Zombie anything. At 8 years old, we still need the cute photos for not only us but the rest of the family. That and Zombies are such a dark subject for an 8 year old.

It was then Jayme found his costume, a Jack Sparrow pirate costume. It was perfect. Jayme also decided that he was not going as Jack from the movies (which he has never seen) but Jack from his Disney Infinity game. You see Jack from the game has a sword….

So we had to find a sword. Then the devious demon known as Jayme announced that Jack from the game also had a gun and ALL PIRATES needed guns to look real.

Now our house has a firm zero gun policy. No real or toy guns are allowed in the house. So when the NO came, this caused a bit of a pout in the store. But the pout wore off quickly when Anthony let him know that we didn’t need to get a sword either if not having both would be an issue.

 

Pumpkin Chucking

Pumpkin carving was not as intensive as it has been in past years. We got 3 large pumpkins for carving and Jayme picked one up on a field trip.

Jayme created a Creeper pumpkin, a Creeper is one of the monsters from Minecraft. Anthony created a ghost pumpkin and Joshua did a Minion pumpkin.

The one new thing this year was Jayme really wanted to save all of the seeds. With a huge backyard who could blame him. So after the carving Jayme had to pull all of the seeds out of the guts bowl. He laid them out with Anthony on some newspaper to dry.

 

The Big Night

Halloween traffic was CRAZY. By the time everyone got home it was late almost 6pm. So we had kind of a mad dash getting Jayme into his costume and some pizza into his tummy.

When we came to getting in the Captain Jack Pirate outfit, the hardest bit to get on was the pirate hair. It itched and many bobby pins from Anthony’s old princess in training makeup tackle box had to be deployed to move the non-itchy parts away from his face. But once the hair was fixed Jayme was ready to go.

We made it out the door a little after 6:30pm and into our cul-du-sac. Like each year, Jayme had a bit of a hard time getting into the routine, when the door opens Jayme was more interested in seeing into the neighbors house then the candy being offered.

So the first couple of houses the door would open and Jayme would say “Hi” and then start snooping. He would thank them for the candy and then let them know if they had a nice house. Both of the Dad’s laughing so hard from the curb, we were crying. We did a family huddle for a little Halloween reminder of what to say and we then worked up a little script and within a few houses he had it down and was starting to really get into it.

At what was going to be our half way point for our families evening Jayme walked past a child in a mask and came to a full stop turned and followed the kid calling out to him. Turns out the kid was in Jayme’s old behavioral classroom from last year. Jayme then begged us to let him join his classmates group and since we all were going the same way we did.

It was a real window into the future for our family. One of the biggest questions we keep asking our self’s about re-entering the adoption program is how will our family meet the needs of a brother for Jayme. What needs and struggles can our family cope with and still meet everyone’s needs and surpass them. Then most importantly how will that impact Jayme. So seeing Jayme interacting with a child who fits some of the needs that lot of kids in care struggle with, was very informative and answered a lot of questions we had.

Jayme’s classmate is a very hyper kido. He seems to be just as impulsive as Jayme was a few years ago. All night long his classmate was really ramped up. Jayme was very excited but pretty calm. It was really amazing to see that side by side comparison. When your in the trenches it’s hard to see the progress Jayme has made, but not tonight.

Now Jayme’s classmate was not out of control, he had great manners and was a great kid to be around. But… and it’s hard to explain, Jayme had a body calmness that 2 years ago we never thought he could ever have achieved. What it made more amazing is none of the Dad’s or parents had to point this out, Jayme figured it out himself. At one point Jayme turned to his friend and said “I know you’re really excited, I am too, but see, I have a calm body.” I wish I would have had my video rolling!

The two stuck together all night long and really enjoyed each others company.

Of course Jayme still had a few Jayme moments; when his sword fell off his outfit or when his jean button would come undone under his outfit, he still needed his own moments of redirection. But both Dad’s were so impressed how well Jayme played and worked with his friend.

The classmate’s Mom seemed impressed by how well the boys interacted as well, so well that we exchanged numbers so the boys could do a play date in the future. Upon hearing that, Jayme wanted his friend to come over right away and wanted us to make weekend plans. It was so cute and a great way to end a long evening.

 

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Orange Frosting Day

Monday, November 4th, 2013

Orange

The day before Halloween and a long 4 day break from school for Jayme and his classmates, Anthony arranged with Jayme’s teacher to bring in cupcakes.

Now having brought in cupcakes for the holidays at Jayme’s school before, we are well aware that the school does not celebrate Halloween, Christmas or any other fun kid holiday from our own childhoods. So when asked why we wanted to host a cupcake party… the official answer was “Because it’s Orange Frosting Day of course!”

Anthony took the whole day off from work, so as Joshua headed to work, Jayme and Anthony headed out to a surprise breakfast together at Biscuits!

Ever since Anthony started his new job a year ago, Joshua has been pulling morning duty alone with Jayme. Each morning Anthony either leaves before Jayme wakes or right as, which leaves only a rushed moment together and a heart broken father. So going to breakfast was a real treat for the two of them, but perhaps more for Anthony.

Anthony had his normal, the Country Benedict, and Jayme ordered the french toast with strawberries. It was so nice to have time to spend together and not have to worry about getting to work on time! As a real special treat they ordered a huge cinnamon roll to share.

After breakfast Anthony dropped Jayme at school and then headed over to Freddie’s to pick up the Orange cupcakes and BOY were they Orange!

Later that day, around 2:25 pm, Anthony arrived at Jayme’s school with the Orange cupcakes, 2 big jugs of ice cold apple cider, Halloween… Orange Frosting  Day green cups, orange plates and spooky black napkins with scary Orange Frosting Day spider webs on them.

Jayme was so happy to see Anthony, he ran right over to him, shocked and desperate to know why he was there. Orange Frosting Day of course! The non-holiday officially established in Jayme’s mind, the two of them setup a little table area for all the kids to come and help celebrate Orange Frosting Day with them.

Jayme has a huge class with a lot of ethnic variety and what looked to be kids all at different development levels, and still something new for Jayme, girls in his class. All of the kids had great manners and were very excited about Orange Frosting Day

One of the things the dads have been worried about is the persecution Jayme might face coming from a home with 2 dads. The chief reason we all have the same last name is to stem any issues that might have come up with three last names and two men. But so far Jayme has not mentioned anything to us and our interactions with the schools has been nothing up supportive and equal. But every once and a while we get some questions.

One inquisitive little boy did come right up to Anthony and asked, ” Is it was true that Jayme has two dads?”. Then Anthony said “Yes, how many do you have?” The little boy thought for a moment and then said “Two, one step and one normal one”. The kid then smiled and took his cupcake. All of his questions had been answered. If only all grownup LGBT conversations were that simple.

ApplesAfter all the kids had their treats, Jayme presented his teacher with a chocolate dipped apple that was all decorated with gummy worms and spiders.

When everyone was done, we helped clean up the classroom and then Jayme decided that the leftover cupcakes needed to be given to his other teachers. So Jayme grabbed the tray and headed out to the bus area to continue the cupcake hand out. We also had one more dipped apple for Jayme’s favorite school therapist and we needed to find her as well.

All of the other teachers asked. “Is it your birthday Jayme?”, “No… it’s Orange Frosting Day!” he would say.

Will all of our cupcakes handed out we headed to the car. On the way home Jayme pipes up in a little voice “You know dad, today is just like when you use to take care of me after school, before I had to go to day care.”

And just like that he plunged the dagger into his fathers heart…

 

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Flea Dawn

Monday, November 4th, 2013

A first hand report from reporter Anthony DeSoren. from somewhere behind front lines.

One of the joys of not having a yard, is not having to worry about fleas. When I was younger I remember my grandmother coming into the house and taking off a pair of while tube socks she wore while gardening in her house dress. I remember watching all the fleas that would jump quickly off of her legs. But this was the 1980’s and monthly bug bombing of the house was pair for the course.

For the past few years we have lived in a cute little townhouse with our two little cats that where flea free during our whole stay there.  But now that we are in our home with it’s huge yard, the fleas have returned.

The first sign was this was Joshua’s legs. When he gets a flea bite they turn into big itchy purple spots. The second sign was poor little Messy who was licking off her belly fur.

But over the many years of bottle chemicals, sprays, press clean up solvent, paint fumes, smoking and a million other bad things I have been exposed to; I now tend to be very sensitive to chemicals. So the old 80’s bug bomb was just plain out for our family.

So we gave both cats a full flea bath and then treated both with the powerful (and not cheap) flea drops behind the neck.

A few weeks later and the fleas had only grown in strength. The cats were suffering and even Jayme had a few confirmed bites. So Joshua took the nuclear natural approach.

We reapplied the flea drops, bought flea collars, steamed all the bedding and the sofa’s and worst of all applied flea powder to the carpets.

drinkNow the flea powder product Joshua got for the carpets was a non-toxic ALL NATURAL product. Make up of clove oils, lemon oils and other flea destructive natural products.  Unfortunately this ALL NATURAL wonder turned out to be a bit too much like Bubble Shock Cola.

The product directions instructed Joshua to sprinkle on the carpet then sweep it into the million little fibers.

So both myself and Jayme hide upstairs with our doors closed and the cats were shut up in their bunker, the laundry room. Will all of the family “safe”, Joshua released the hounds of war on the fleas. But within seconds of the powder hitting the floor, the collateral damage began. As Joshua swept the powder into the fibers, the powder became airborne and was then  sucked into the furnace air return. Then via the furnace it was soon scenting every room in the house. The smell, burns. It’s like snorting pumpkin pie spice with shot of hot sauce up your nose. Not that I have ever done that….

Both Jayme and I ran out of our rooms to protest the scent, only to walk into a burning white cloud of death. Joshua made a mad dash for the furnace controls while Jayme and I ran to master bedroom, opened all of the windows and shoved pillows over the heating vents. With a big fan now blowing in fresh air, at least Jayme and I were safe. A bit over dramatic, but we could breath!

I quickly dressed and Jayme and I held our noses and escaped to Fred Meyers to pick up some pumpkins for Halloween. While we were gone, Joshua vacuumed the carpets and then opened all of the downstairs windows.

We came home to a house that smelled like someone had a major autumn potpourri addiction. A few days later it was much much better.

Only time will tell if we have won this round in the war with the fleas.

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The Home Inspection

Friday, November 1st, 2013

in

This would mark our third home inspection. The first two were for Jayme’s adoption.

So going into it, we felt very confident. We only had to add a few things prior to the inspection.

First was a CO2 detector, which was mounted by the laundry room. We also had to make sure every bedroom of our home had a smoke alarm with fresh batteries.

Anthony created the new Emergency Fire Exit plan diagram, which has been posted clearly by the front door. We also had a full family fire drill out to the emergency meeting location.

Our fire extinguisher is up to date, so our only major investment was for a CO2 alarm, which was $20 bucks.

We love our house, but we love our houses potential WAY more. So the one thing that we did freak out about was how others would see our home. It’s a former back repo and prior to that was a rental. So everything is serviceable, but not really pretty. The kitchen is outdated, the hallways still have mismatched trim. But the worst part of the house is how white it is. We have been holding off painting because we want to knock down the popcorn ceilings first. Finding time for this has proved difficult in our busy schedules. So apart from Jayme’s room, the house is very bland and white.

Our adoption clinician was scheduled to come over to see the house and perform the inspection on Monday November 11th at 6:00pm, so the weekend prior we had a good clean out of the house. We might hate how the house looks, but we can make it as clean as possible.

Joshua climbed up to the roof and blew off the latest round of pine needles. Jayme and Anthony raked leaves and blew the walkways clean. We also tossed out the dead Halloween pumpkins, much to Jayme’s dismay.

Inside, was pretty clean to start off with. We are at the end of the war with the flea’s. But part of our flea maintenance to keep them gone has been to vacuum almost daily.

Joshua and Jayme did a super clean of the upstairs while Anthony did a power clean of the downstairs and kitchen.

Jayme spent most of Saturday in his room, play/cleaning, but the end results were great.

Our Adoption clinician arrived a little past 6 pm and Jayme gave her a full tour of the house. The whole inspection took less then 30 mins and before we knew it Jayme was in his room while the three of us were sitting around the kitchen table talking about what the next steps would be.

 

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